An Uncomfortable Brush With Nature
by CheschireSmiles
Summary: Talon's walk through the Summoner's Rift leaves him questioning his sanity after Zyra threatens his life if he doesn't answer a few, very important questions.


Talon frowned from his perch in the trees. He and Soraka had been flirting throughout the entire match. He had ganked botlane just a little too often, using fights as an excuse to get close to her and enjoying the caress of her magic as she healed him. She'd known after the 2nd gank, of course. She just smiled that spectacular smile of hers and if she bumped into him a little while walking back under turret to recall, he wasn't going to complain. All their interactions throughout the match had him excited for tonight and ready to just grab her and go, but she was stuck in a conversation with Miss Fortune. Fortune glanced over at Soraka's shoulder and winked at him. He groaned in irritation, shifting uncomfortably in place before dropping from the tree. He leapt onto the wall, free running towards the opposite nexus and intent on burning off some energy. He'd swing by the enemy fountain and tease Katarina about her loss before coming back to see if Soraka was free yet. Maybe by the time he came back, Sarah would have finished irritating him and would have left.

He made his way through the post game jungle, watching as the camps were reset. He always enjoyed walking through the Summoner's Rift after a match. The barriers around the walls were down and they champions had much more freedom to move around and interact with the Rift than they did in game. They also had more access to their abilities when all the magical restraints were down. No more waiting for a wall to stop glowing red for him to jump over it. He had just dropped over the wall in the dragon pit and stepped into the enemy red buff's bushes when the subtle hissing made him freeze. He narrowed his eyes, attempting to see through the high grass without the special visibility affects the active match gave him. The tall, thick grass waved and pressed against him, stifling his sense and hiding the world around him. He needed to get to higher ground. Talon crouched slightly, preparing himself to jump onto the wall while making as little movement as possible. Just as he leapt, a heavy weigh settled around one foot, throwing him off balance and pulling him back to the ground. Talon rolled with it, throwing himself from the bush and revealing the thick vine wrapped tightly around his ankle. He grit his teeth at the realization of just who he'd crossed in his trek through the jungle. Zyra. Without the in-game limitations on her magic, Zyra was a deadly threat while in the heavily forested jungle. He'd been careless, too caught up in thinking about ways to get back at Sarah and tease Katarina. It was well known how Zyra would claim a spot in the jungle after a match and barricade herself in her plants. She never took kindly to interlopers and no one had yet to figure out just why she would set up camp after every game.

Talon pulled a blade, prepared to slice the vine and escape. He'd rather avoid what was sure to be an injury-filled confrontation. His dagger had just broken the skin of the vine when more vines burst up from the ground, wrapping around his arms, torso, and legs, all but pinning him to the ground. Zyra strolled around the tall wall surrounding the red buff camp, her dragon-like appearance still in place.

"Just what do you think you're doing?" She cooed, her magic-filtered voice quiet with threat. Her dragon-like plants burst from the ground all around him, chittering and hissing at him, throwing soil and dust through the air with their movements. The plants reared threateningly at him, swaying like snakes. Talon stilled his body, preparing to cut and run. He centered himself, reaching for the small magic that made his ultimate possible and doing his best to maneuver his body within the vines to best aid his escape. He needed to do this fast and without showing fear. Any hint of fear would only incite Zyra's predatory behavior.

"Just passing through. I'll be on my way and out of yours, as soon as you let me go." Talon snarked, not putting much hope into a positive response. Zyra hummed and tilted her head to the side, her bright unnatural eyes looking over the bound assassin. Apprehension twisted in Talon's gut as Zyra's expression shifted from predatory contempt to calculation. That probably wasn't good. Wanting to eat him was one thing. Wanting something that required plotting was another. The slow tightening of his bindings only confirmed his expectations for just how shitty this was going to turn out to be. He'd have to fight his way out, at the very least. Zyra smiled slightly at the look in his eyes, reading and feeling his apprehension and resolve through her vines, her body relaxed in amused contempt. Before Talon could make a move, she spoke again, catching him off guard.  
" How do you woo a member from another species?"

"What? " Talon sputtered, caught off guard. Zyra huffed impatiently and had her vines pull Talon closer, making him face her fully.

" _How_ did you woo Soraka?" She asked, speaking slowly and clearly while giving him an unimpressed stare. Met with his stunned silence, she rolled her eyes and continued.

"You and the celestial healer are clearly attracted to one another. An attraction that is obviously acted upon. Your _excessive_ presence in botlane coupled with the pheromones you two practically flooded into the air tell me so." She wrinkled her nose in distaste. "You still smell of your desire for her. Tell me, how were you able to come to a communal decision for companionship?" Glowing purple eyes stared intently at Talon who was too shocked by what this whole situation had turned into. He was being asked for romantic advice from the predatory plant lady who's emotional depth was thought to be shallower than the "river" in the Summoner's Rift. This was entirely unexpected and not something he wanted to even try to deal with.

Unfortunately, fate didn't seem to kind today as Zyra's vines tightened threateningly at his continued silence.

"You want to know how to woo Soraka?" Talon gasped out, his mind refusing to understand what was going on. At this, the vines went from tight to suffocating, crushing all of the air out of his already abused lungs.

"No, you fool! I don't want to woo _her_!" Zyra hissed, infuriated at the human's stupidity. Assassins were supposed to be at least clever and survival oriented. Obviously this one was neither.

"Okay, okay!" Talon squeaked, desperate for air and the ability to understand both how much fate seemed to hate him and why _he_ had to be the one to explain romance to the evil plant lady. He tried to hold his hands out in surrender as best he could. Zyra contemplated the gesture and the interesting shade of purple the assassin was turning before loosening the vines with a put upon sigh. Talon greedily filled his deprived lungs, only a little thankful that answers seemed more important than killing him.

Talon focused on just breathing for a few seconds but upon seeing Zyra's eyes narrowing in impatience, he quickly started talking.

"You want to – um – woo someone? A woman?" He asked. Zyra just stared, unimpressed while a thornspitter hissed threateningly.

"Um...right...wooing is – uh – is different for everybody." Zyra frowned but Talon hurried on.

"Soraka and I were attracted physically and we flirted and it led to the – uh – the relationship we have today. It took a little while since our values and purposes seemed so different but there was enough interest combined with a few...um...more educational encounters to have the chemistry we have now." Talon panted for breath, having tried to say most of that in one go. He stared at Zyra, counting the seconds it took for her to process what he'd said. Zyra had turned towards one of her plants, rubbing its chin absentmindedly as she thought. She shifted in place, glancing at him from the corner of her eye before making a face and looking away again.

Seeing that she seem distracted enough, Talon looked down at his bindings to try to find the fastest way he could cut through and run. He had no desire to fight her on the off chance she grabbed him again and subjected him to more questions. He loved Soraka but trying to explain that love and what led to it to a carnivorous plant magicked into a human woman's body was not high on his to-do list. He only had enough time to be grateful that the vines weren't covered in piercing thorns like they usually were before Zyra whipped back towards him. Talon froze, eyes wide, and hoped she didn't notice the dagger half pulled out of his sleeve.

"What draws you to her?" She demanded.

"She is a fallen celestial with a physical appearance that differs from that of a human. How can you find attractive qualities in something so inhuman?" Zyra asked, sounding almost pained when she asked her last question. Talon sighed and shifted a little. He might be here for a while and he'd rather be a little more comfortable if he was going to have to comfort Zyra.

"She's...comfortable. Her and I...We...fuck..." Talon trailed off, unsure of what he should say.

"I don't care about how much you copulate, that's not what I asked!" Zyra snapped, raising a clawed hand threateningly.

"Wait! Wait! Wait! That's not what I meant; it's hard to put this into words, is all!" Talon said frantically. When Zyra lowered her hand, Talon took a breath to try to put his mind in order.

"Soraka is like a good...", he trailed , "a good...uh..." He frantically looked around, trying to find something to reference. He shifted, feeling the reassuring press of cold metal in his hand.

"A dagger! Like a good dagger or knife!" At Zyra's bemused stare, he pressed on.

"She fits into my life really well like a good knife fits into my hand. Knives are sharp and she's er sharp...sharp-minded?" Talon cleared his throat awkwardly. "She's sharp-minded and witty and um she's pretty like a shined knife is pretty. And even a strangely or unusually shaped dagger can be attractive to...uh t-to someone who can appreciate that dagger. So uh Soraka being...not...human doesn't really change how well she um fits into my life but how well she...?" He trailed off again, mind completely blank and sure that if he tried to string together any more bull shit then Zyra was just gonna feed him to her plants. Her expression certainly wasn't a positive one. It had shifted from confusion to irritation pretty quickly and her plants had started that weird hiss/chittering thing again. Desperate to find some way to prevent a no doubt messy fight and potential death, he shouted out.  
"She's like the Sun!" Hoping the simile would grab her attention since plants liked the Sun, right? It seemed to work as Zyra paused before a wistful look came on her face. She tilted her head upward and stared longingly at the sky.

"...like the Sun?" she repeated gently. Just then, a clear and strong voice could be heard along with the loud clink of heavy armor.

"Zyra? It's time to leave the Rift! The mages are going to get upset if you grow into the jungle again." A great golden-edged shield pushed through the bushes and Leona stepped into view. She paused as she took in the sight of Zyra staring upward while Talon was tangled in so many vines, it was hard to get a clear look at any one part of his body.

"Again, Zyra?" Leona laughed. She planted her sword in the soil and strode forward, sunlight gleaming off her helm. Zyra startled and spun towards her, looking much like a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar. Leona bent and pulled firmly at the vines encasing Talon, parting them with an ease Talon suspected came less from Leona's considerable strength and more from how relaxed and pliable the vines became at her touch. Freed, he stood as quickly as possible, backing up a few steps to put some distance between them. Leona gave him a kind smile before turning to Zyra.

"What did I tell you about grabbing people like that? Draven still jumps whenever the bushes shake." Leona gently chided. Zyra huffed and turned away, crossing her arms childishly. However, she hadn't turned so quickly that Talon hadn't seen her cheeks flush with color. Realization dawned in Talon's eyes as he stared at the two women in front of him.

Leona's smile brightened in amusement at Zyra's actions.

"Come, my fellow champions. We must leave the Rift for the next match. I have plans to play top lane once again and we can't start until everyone is in their places!" Leona lifted her sword in one easy pull and strode towards her team's fountain. Zyra stared at her in quiet wonder for a second before following, not even bothering to acknowledge the freed assassin standing behind her.

Talon stared after them for a few moments, mind blank as it tried to process what he'd just learned. He shook his head before turning and taking a running leap over the wall, intending to meet up with Soraka and get the hell out of here. It wasn't worth trying to understand what had just occurred. Fuck that.


End file.
